What Facing History and Ourselves Meant to Me

Facing History and Ourselves meant more to me than any course than any course I've taken as of yet and it will probably mean more than any course I take in the future.  It's hard to put into words the impact the course had on my life because I know that I probably won't be able to understand fully how it changed me as a student, a Jew, and as a person, for many more years.  However, I can say with absolute certainty that the course had a profound affect on my understanding of who I am and my understanding of the world around me. From day 1 of Junior year, when I walked into Mr. Gallagher's classroom with people who I knew well and with people whose names I didn't know, there was a sense that something profound was going to happen to each and every one of us.  We were right.

The Bear that Wasn't

The first issue we examined was identity and boy did it take me for a loop.  We looked at a bear who was told by everyone around him that he was in fact not a bear but just a silly man who needed a shave.  The bear began to doubt who he was and started believing what everyone was telling him, even though he once knew exactly who he was.  In the face of pressure from the world around him, the bear started to question his identity.  I saw that once you let anyone beside yourself  even begin to tell you who you are, you lose yourself.  I had always thought I knew who I was, even when I didn't understand everything I did. After seeing what happened to the bear and really thinking about what identifies me, I understood that even in the face of tremendous pressure, I am still who I am.  What I see in the mirror is who I am and nobody else can act as that mirror.  It seems odd to say that I learned such a fundamental and essential lesson from a bear, but whenever I think about who I am, blocking out what everyone around thinks is simply subconscious.  

Subject of the Milgram Experiments

I mentioned that going into the class I didn't know some of my classmates.  Usually, I look forward to having classes with a bunch of my friends each year and admittedly, for the first week or so I was a little uncomfortable not knowing everyone in the class.  As time passed, I began to see something happening within the classroom.  People who for the most part try and say as little as possible were speaking up loud and clear.  Through talking in small groups, blogging about what we discussed in class, and viewing the world together, we all started to get comfortable.  I started to hear those voices that usually go unheard and I was able to look at the history and the world through a new lens.  I remember watching a documentary on the Milgram Experiments.  The documentary showed a group of individuals, knowing they could stop at any time, inflict severe electric shocks to someone behind a wall.  The responses to the electric shocks, in some cases cries for help and eventually silence (simulating death), were actually recordings however, the experiment showed humans willingness to obey.  I thought that obedience came from a fundamental trust in authority however one of my classmates saw it completely differently.  He said that the obedience displayed by the test subjects was due to the idea that since they were being told to inflict the pain, they weren't actually responsible for the consequences.  In other words, they were only the messenger.  After reading this in the class blog, I began to see the experiments in a new light and had a greater understanding of what took place.  This would not have been possible had it not been for that other voice.  By allowing others to speak out, I learned to really listen to as much as I could before I formed some sort of solid opinion.  The discussion on the Milgram Experiments also gave me a greater understanding of something else; how human beings were made to kill thousands of other human beings.  They were simply doing what they were told as soldiers. 

Nazi Soldiers at a Party rally

After viewing countless atrocities that the Nazis committed during the Holocaust, the course was nearing its conclusion.  We had laughed together and many of us had cried together.  Already the course had changed me, but it wasn't over.  Up until the final week of the course, we had watched contemporary films that portrayed the horrors of the Holocaust.  Three of these films were The Grey Zone, Amen and The Boy In The Striped Pajamas.  Watching those films was undoubtedly some of the most gut-wrenching experiences of my life however, they people we saw were actors.  We didn't yet have faces to put with the word, Holocaust.  Well, now we do.  The last pieces of history we viewed were the only existing photographs of Auschwitz.  I sat in at my desk absolutely numb.  To know exactly what the people I was looking at went through. To know how they were forced into this hell and tortured until their lives came to a painful end.  To know who put them there.  I was literally shaking as emotions fought within me.  

Two brothers arriving at Auschwitz

Mr. Gallagher told us that by the end of the course, we would have something called civic agency.  I had never even heard of that let alone understand it.  By definition, civic agency is achieved when someone has made an intellectual, moral, and emotional connection to the content being discussed.  After taking Facing History and Ourselves, I achieved civic agency.  How do I know this? I'm not quite sure how to convey exactly how I know through words as I understand now that civic agency is not something that can be taught.  It is a feeling of absolute empathy.  Walking in someone else's shoes.  Now that I achieved civic agency, there are two realizations that I have come to grips with more than ever: I cannot judge the actions of another human being, and I am who I alone see myself as.  I whole-heartedly believe in both of those statements and I truly believe I am a better person now because of that.  Becoming a better person however was not the objective given to us at the beginning of the course rather it was to answer the question: "Who are you?".  Now, I think I have an answer that is truer than a list of adjectives describing me and my interests.  Facing History and Ourselves did not answer the question.  It was simply the beginning of the journey that will lead me to that answer.